I think as I get older and I have come find humanity as it is. I have come to no greater conclusion that trusting people is something you really can’t do anymore especially when you think you can go to people and expect that they will be there for you and support you when your down: if anything in my time here in new york or staten island I have to say is that all you truly have and can fully trusts yourself and in all honesty people really don’t care it’s not a matter of who you think they are: a friend, brother, sister, mother, father. It quite frankly doesn’t matter. At the end of the day you have yourself and nothing more.
In college they really teach you to voice your opinion and get your thoughts down on to paper. You get friends that tell you that they are there for you to get your emotions out and what not. But why? Do they care? I doubt they really do. So I think a new way for me to approach this is with a lock down.
Humanity itself is inherently self centered it’s within it’s nature to care for nothing more than itself. We see this in primal instincts where animals will do anything for its own survival.
The notion of a caring person is almost an illusion that our society has created to help people through their own anxieties. I will concede the fact that there are people that do care. My best friend from back home contacted me to check up on me right before… But it stopped me from whatever I was going to do. So there are people there for you when you need it.
I think that a better way to do it is the way I have done it before lock it down. Recently for some reason the pain and anxiety I have Ben recently dealing with has come a little, a lot more noticeable, the burden that weighs my mind had somewhat grew in the past months. I think that the facade or mask I have been wearing, or the smile has somewhat been worn out. I think that I need to come off with more of a neutral face something that cant be read so easily.
So I think a more neutral hands off approach is a better way of handling myself as well as others. I don’t think I can handle caring or anything like it anymore. For most of my life I gave of myself whole heartedly to things. But I think it’s time for a change on which I am not so much in it. In most things now as I’m about to leave for the real world my new approach is something that can leave anything without any emotion.
Today I partook in helping raise money for people on the island that are hungry. I helped raise maybe over 100 dollars for project hospitality and the projects it has for the rest of the year. I noticed here in New York that people don’t really care. They have no concept of helping people. There were of course people who did care, but that was one of every 20 people that I asked. All my life I have been brought to believe that people were better, that each person has good in them, but today I have seen the truth.
The truth is that people really dont care. People dont care that you cant eat, that you are emotionally hurt, that you are hurt, that you lack the basic necessities of life. People have no reasons to care. Why should they? does it benefit them at all. It doesnt. AT the end of the day people in all actuality only want to better themselves. People do the things that give them the most pleasure. I see this in the people I personally interact with, even sadly in my own actions. I am no better than the next joe schmoe. But i think that I try to counter act the things I do with things that are good for the common good.
Every day I see things where people choose to not help people that they claim to be friends with. I seee stupid arguments that start over stupid shit. I see cheatin happen. I see stealing. I see lying, I see hatred. I see so much that humans have created and want to do.
Look around look at the motives of people. Open you eyes to the injustice. To the fact that people are mistreated. We are all part to blame someway or the other. But as a practicing catholic how can we live just to live. KNowing full well that there is injustice in the world. Do we like sheep follow the herd? Or do we like the Owl sit and stare at the world and ponder? Do we react like human beings? Or is it our natural instinct to react to external things with care to make sure that we are doing whats best for us? Where does whats best for the world come in?
Do we even think about that? Do we think about our neighbor? I have seen when a neighbor complains about a homeless person and would rather tell him to go away then help him. Thats just sick. It makes me wonder why God would die for such a selfish group of beings, that have no reguard or concern for others….
Something happen the other day, and I agreed to do a restart, and a do-over. In both social strata s I am a apart of, I agreed to to do a do-over, or a restart. Both really good friends, and yea both want to do this thing where we just start over. So Im thinking alright. But one of them got me thinking a couple days ago. As I spoke with one of them on the phone. what is this a game?
This is life its no game. Unless we treat it like one. But in all honesty we all only live one life. Its not like a video game where when we fail a level we have can always look for that one mushroom that would give us a chance to retry the level when we die or fail. We cant pick one of these up
Its not like we can just wait till we re spawn and start a new. We really cant. We only have one life to live, and we must continue to live it. When we fall into that hole, that we didnt see in the 8bit sega game, we cant start over, and try again.
We have to dig our way out. Climb out, and continue. A problem today is that we as people dont like addressing issues. We would rather just start over. But its not possible.
We have to live with our actions, and live it out, and see our decisions through.
With both of them, the thing is that history is important in any friendship. to start over, is almost impossible. Its impossible because to start over would mean we would need to refind the original reason for the friendship. With the one i have been friends with since my childhood I can never find that reason. But hte thing is that she will always be my friend, even though she wants a do over. But some friendships lose sight of why they became friends at first.
We are all in this game of life, and if you choose to make a restart make sure its something that all knows about. Cause honestly lets say you restart but the other doesnt want to. Unlike video games where things restart and begin back in the places they would have came from. The level continues to move forward. Time pushes forward. People move on, and forget. As much as you would like to restart the world, and time doesnt wait for you, nor does it move at your pace. You have to move at its pace.
So just be careful with restarts cause before you know it
A true friend is a person who is loyal, who will be there for you when you Fuck shit up… A true brother is a person who will stick by your side when you fuck shit up, and try to cover your ass. And at the end of the day they will know and remember who you really are, when you yourself have been lost. The true self sometimes can be lost in the heat of things. But what makes a true friend, and a true brother? one may ask. Honestly its time, and effort.
Time and time again, one can find that
It is time. Time shows the strengths of friends. The thing is that when one is surely lost. He is the one that will be able to find you in your darkest hour. He is the one who will be able to help you pick up your pieces and rebuild what you have lost. He will have hope that you can find yourself, and bring the person they first saw in you back out.
This is something I have failed. But luckily for me I have true friends, and brothers.
They can see that who I was has been gone for the moment, and help me through the hours of my trouble. They can see past the petty bs. and See the me that they knew and grew to love is still there. They have proven their friendship with me time and time again. I hope that I can show them that they too matter a lot to me.
The thing is that these are the people you work for. At the end of the day they are my family. In a place where I am pretty much alone, and by myself They are there for me. They help you realize what you fucked up, and how and why it needs to change.
Tonight I had a three hour long conversation with my brother. We spoke about the more important things in life, that some of the things I worry about, and lose sleep over are things that really shouldnt be things trifled with.
That I was not completely in the wrong. Tonight I learned that:
The people you truely give your time, and effort for are the people who have shown you true brother hood, the ones you know got your back, and the ones you really care about. The ones you trust, and have shown you a reason to trust them.
The people you stay loyal to are the people who will always have your back through the good times, and the bad.
These are the people who will talk sense to you when you can barely think, when you can barely think straight.
These are the people who will tell you! You are acting stupid and you shouldn’t throw anything away.
At the end of the day these are the people who help make your college career a success.
Why are these the people you stick close to? Why are these people the ones who stick by you when you fuck up?
Well in all seriousness its because we know at the end of our time here… we will know that its never a dull momment!
That “when we walk in the sand and the footsteps are walking all slanted that Jesus was strugling carrying our fat asses”
That We go hard or go home!
That we sat for hours trying to cheer each other up
That we trust each other.
That We will look back at this and laugh, and only remember the good old times.
I told you when it started that I was new at this, and I really dont get how this is going to work… So i went around and asked. Maybe thats my mistake, but alright… Then i told you it wont work… I was right… I didnt say anything cause I wanted it to work… but its fine. That part of me died already… so do what you want. IM DoNE
with not only you but everyone.. Everything is starting, even im pissing me off.. I dont even know where to begin…..
Wait yea i do… Im leaving i wish you all the best.
ADELe I found something that would be good to sing about LOLZ
Being cold stems from the lack of a heart. In my opinion it is when one doesnt have the same emotions that one did. The passion, and the love is gone and absent. But the thing is that it is something that can be turned on and off. I think, when one looks at the literal thing of being cold, well in the case of humans it is when they are literally cold. It almost seems like a corpse is what is there.
Becoming cold is when the heart stops, it literally stops beating. I believe that the heart is a major component of life, as well as passion, and emotion. It is with this that real relationships can be formed. But it is with this that can stop a relationship. Think about it death. When one is friends with a person, and that person dies. That relationship will never be the same, and it will cease to exist. Death is what allows one to be cold.
- Next one living in zombie world… lolz